"My Time, My Life"

My home is not a mansion on a hilltop. It's a seedy hotel suite that’s been converted into an apartment of sorts. I haven’t had a permanent address in five years. I don’t eat at the finest restaurants. My meals consist of some fast foods when I can afford it and cold-cuts sandwiches with no lettuce or tomato. But I work for everything I have.

What I do own, I can haul in the back of my Jimmy. It’s been a most trusted friend the last four years so I try my best to keep it maintained and healthy. It’s the most valuable thing I do own. It has taken me across many state lines and back again. I have added 100,000 miles to it since I bought it and it is paid for. I hope I will be able to make it last at least another 100,000 miles before it gives up the ghost. If it makes 300,000 miles, I will be happy to retire it.

I am alone. I have very few true friends but that’s all I have ever needed. So, I am not lonely. They accept me as I am and I couldn’t ask for anything more than that. I do have my youngest son with me temporarily, until he can make it on his own. But I will always be there for him as well as his older brother. My youngest has been my project for quite some time now. I feel at times that I am raising myself with him. He has followed just about every footstep I have ever taken when I was at his age.

My life is and has been in limbo for a long time now. Maybe it’s the unfinished business that I have and have yet to discover that keeps it that way, like my youngest son. I sometimes wonder about that; why? My wants and needs have become second place in so many ways and at so many times the last few years. But that’s ok, I reckon. It’s what fathers are supposed to do.

But I do want my time, my life. God knows I do. I want love. I want a relationship with someone. I am tired of being alone, of being single. I don’t want to be alone in these latter years of my life and I am not getting any younger. What’s left of my “youth” is fading fast. If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself, you know?

One day, I will wake up every morning next to the woman of my dreams. At least I hope I do. Just one wonderful woman is all I want for my life. I want a permanent address. I want, not a mansion on a hilltop, neither do I want to remain in a seedy hotel room. I want a home, not a house. My prayers are simple; for simple things. Wealth has always escaped me so I have no real desire for that. Just a simple life with someone that I love and that loves me equally in return is all I desire.