"A Melancholy Day"

Sadness can envelope us at any time, like a thief in the night. It can change our whole outlook just for that one moment in time when it strikes. This usually happens when I am alone with nothing but the sounds of my own breathing and heart beat letting me know I am still alive, somewhat. I think so much about times past and even though the memories are precious, they can still be a reminder that time is slipping away. I think about those I love who are so engulfed by their own pain and heartache and the only thing I can do is pray silently.

Most often, my melancholy days are brought on by thoughts of my own sins because I know within my own heart that I am my own worst enemy. I know I am forgiven by God, but that doesn’t make it any easier for me to forgive myself and I know I should. It just doesn’t seem worthwhile until I can prove to myself that I have learned from my mistakes, those mistakes that have haunted me for the greater part of my life. We all find ways to cope with our sins, mostly by working through them. This is true and you know it. If we have been guilty of taking, we spend a great deal of time giving back trying to make up for it. I see it all the time and I am not the exception to the rule. I do it, too.

I wait patiently for my turn at the wheel, my turn to make things better, and my turn to find forgiveness for what I have done. When will this be? I honestly don’t know. So much time has gone by that I have wondered if my time will ever come, if I will ever have the opportunity to prove myself to myself that I am truly worthy.