November 23, 2023

Middle Age

Today is Thanksgiving. There's not a lot going on in my household. It's basically SOSDD. It's in the air, though. It's quiet. It's a time of reflection, if you dare. We have all heard of the middle age crisis but has anyone ever tried to define it or determined a timeline for it? For myself, I have come to the conclusion that middle age is when you begin looking backwards in time rather than forward. Before this point in time, we are engulfed in thoughts of the future; our dreams, our goals, or what's really important in our lives. Now we still look back on our memories, but for inspiration. As time slowly marches on the > turns into <. 

As life goes, we are left with more questions than answers like, have we made a difference? As miniscule as we may seem to be in this world, we do have a legacy. What's mine? What's yours? What would your epitaph be?  Did we grow? Were we stagnant? Was it ALL worth it? 

For this moment, I choose to measure worth from the people around me. Their feedback tells me everything I need to know. I still do stupid shit. I still say stupid shit. That will probably never change, at least until someone puts me in my place. But mentally, I'm in pretty good shape, considering what my body has been through the last 6 years or so. Because of that, I can still look forward with hopes and dreams, and more opportunities. My hopes? My dreams? Yes, they are still very important to me. At times I feel that's all I have left. 

The last few weeks my mind has been so active and chaotic, at best. Countless ideas and questions have flooded my mind, sometimes having an adverse effect on my spirit. Although I try to be an open book, some thoughts or ideas I keep so secret and so deeply buried they will go with me to my grave. But through it all and after it's all said and done, I have felt more love in my heart now than I ever have. I don't know why that is. Maybe it's because I have had more time to "cultivate". I am deeply grateful for everyone I have known, both past and present. Treat people the way you want to be treated, It's not always easy but that's my golden rule. It works for me. It keeps me looking forward.