This Funk...

It's a quiet night, thankfully. Sleep evaded me until about 4:30 this am and having to get up at 9 for an earlier shift, it doesn't lead into a great day.  I was physically tired, last night, but my mind was on fire! It would not slow down for some reason. So much has been going on and everything seemed to be snowballing, and I couldn't outrun it. I also had a day that is almost unexplainable. Have you ever watched yourself, in your mind's eye and think. You're acting like an idiot! Yeah, it was one of those days. I can only hope no one noticed what I saw. 

Today, with a few of those idiotic visuals of myself still dancing around in my head, it was pretty much uneventful. I did my work, with some comradery blended in and went home. I'm a tad exhausted but fine. I left the paranoia at work in hopes of some much-needed peace. So, in spite of a very minor nagging headache, it's been a pretty good day. This brings me to the funk.

I have noticed in the last few years an addition to one of my aches and pains of aging. Depression. No other word for it. But I wonder about self-doubt, how related is that to depression? It's a part of life for all of us, even if for brief periods, I would think. But it can be devastating to some, no doubt. I have somewhat learned that if I choose my battles I can at the very least break even. Most of the time I'm fine, but there are times when I just don't give a shit. Not very often, thankfully, but those times do occur. 

It's been a couple of weeks since I started this. Maybe I can bring it to some kind of a conclusion. Practically the same scenario, no sleep until around 6 this morning. Work was dreadfully slow and uneventful. And some thoughts that have kept my mind busy for some times now are beginning to evaporate, allowing more space for the funk fog to roll in. 

I still have no real conclusion for this. To be continued...