WRONG WAY

If I have learned anything of value over the years, it's to ask myself one question when things happen, whether they be good or bad; Is there anything that I could have done or said differently to cause a better outcome? I learned that I have had control all along in countless situations, barring life-changing events. Every action taken; every word spoken has influence. Sound decisions need to be made but not without a lot of thought and questions with answers. I try to be ever mindful of everyone I interact with. I'm not always successful. 

I remember when I was a young child, not even in my teens yet, starting my morning walk to school, and many times I would just change direction and skip school that day, all day. My mind would allow my curiosity to take control and I would just explore. I would walk up and down the local strip malls in the neighborhood just checking things out, nothing in particular. I didn't want to learn from school those days. I wanted to learn from life. And learn I did. 

I did some dumb ass shit when I was a kid, as a teen, and as an adult, many times. I still do dumb shit, just not as often. Experience and "wisdom" has made dumb shit less attractive. When I do catch myself headed in the wrong direction, though, I have to remind myself that I do influence others, that I have an effect on others, as insignificant as that may sound. After some time, I come to my senses, I tap the breaks, and I come to a complete stop. I backup to regroup. One of my many flaws is I am always asking myself what if instead of what will. That's not a bad thing in and of itself but if left unchecked, there could be unwanted repercussions. 

I can be very passionate when it comes to how I care for others, almost to a fault and it has caused heartache at times because I confuse myself. I get "lost in the moment" and suck all the air from the room. That's not good for anyone. I never wish to lose a friendship. I never wish to cause discomfort. Life is challenging enough. As my experience and wisdom expands with time, my true wish and my deepest desire is to watch those I care deeply about to be happy for themselves, with less worries and more peace of mind, and to know, find, and have their hearts desire.