Revelationary Dreams...

I laid down for a nap prior to my workday actually beginning and I was awakened by a dream. It was a vivid dream with a short conversation, so it wasn't a long dream by any means. I couldn't think straight for a few moments, but once the fog of sleep had lifted, thoughts become pouring into my mind. A person I had met some time ago was in my dream and I hadn't spoken to this person for a while now and even longer since I had seen them. In the dream I had just awakened and was going onto the kitchen for some coffee and there this person was. I asked quietly, "What are you doing?". The reply was, "I'm cleaning.". That's when I awakened for real from my nap. 

Why? Why now? Why this day? I had no answers to these questions. We grow quite fond of some people over time, but as life happens, things and situations change. And sometimes these changes are directly affiliated with how we interact with people. People do respond to us, just not in a way we wish for. I had learned a very valuable lesson. When we care very much for certain people our brain will not allow us to actually lie to these people and that actually makes sense, but it can be costly. So, what I have learned is to not say or speak so much about how I feel, especially when deep inside I know the truthful outcome of what may or cannot be. Sometimes, speaking of how you feel puts an undue burden on others and all they know to do is to disappear and they are completely blameless.

The price we pay is a loss of what could have been a very long and endearing friendship. It's very painful to endure. "I would rather have your friendship than nothing at all." is a phrase I have heard all of my life, and it is very applicable for some encounters we have in our lives. Understand what it is. Accept what it is. You may not be able to control how you may feel but you can control how you react and knowing the reality of things can manifest what you can really appreciate in others. They are people, too. They have their own lives and experiences they rely on that protect them from just about anything. Respect that.

Unfathomable Evil...

October 7, 2023, Israel, Hamas attacked Israel in the early morning hours of that day killing 1143 civilians, most of those were young people attending a music festival. Children were mutilated, women were raped and mutilated, and men, all blatantly murdered out of pure hatred. I watched a documentary and what caught my attention is during interrogations of some of the Hamas fighters, they couldn't even say it themselves exactly what they had done. They couldn't actually say "I raped her." because they knew it was horrific what they had done. It's like they had no problem doing what they had done until they had to answer for their deeds. It just boggles my mind of what human beings can and will do to other human beings.

Throughout history this evil has raised its ugly head, throughout the world, even in our own country, the United States, for the love of power, and sadly, in the "name of God". I'm not a fan of religion at all. More people have been slaughtered "in the name of God" than any other reason known to man. It's pure bullshit! It's not God's fault. Religion has a knack for clouding the mind and hardening the spirit, because religion is man made. It isn't of God by any means. It's all about control and power over others who for some reason, can't see their self-worth, and religion paying a significant role in that process. I can't bring myself to trust a belief that makes me feel unworthy of anything. I have paid the consequences of all of my actions, whether good or bad. 

But what can you do? The only thing anyone can do is to be a better person and I really don't give a shit how or why, just be a better human being. Total love in humanity will never happen but it doesn't mean love of others wouldn't have an impact. Over 8.1 billion people inhabiting this planet makes it an impossible task. We, as a species, have one of two choices. We can love each other by treating each other as we want to be treated or, we can just obliterate ourselves until one day, there are very few or none of us left. 

Religion has become more or less, a pissing contest among the elite of these various religions, claiming their literature is somehow better than others, purer than others. All of this filters down the rank and file until there is nothing left for the followers, even the ability or the will to think for oneself. With a world population of 8.1 billion people, it would be safe to say that the gene pool has become a little bit murky. No one really lives truly free, not even those who think they do. No matter who we are or where we are, we are all under someone's thumb. That's true of every living creature on this planet. Most other species just do a better job. 

The evil? I would absolutely love to see it die. The cold hard truth is that the good will die first. It always does. That's just truly fucking sad!

Militarily Speaking...

I rarely speak of my military tour. It wasn't much of one. Twenty-one months in the Airforce to many folks doesn't quite define a hero, not even to me, but that's me. I spent 6 weeks in basic training with the remainder of my tour in Wichita, Kansas. I pumped gas! I rarely speak of it.

I have given this a lot of thought the last decade or so, though, wondering if I have earned the things of value that I have received from the VA. It does boggle my mind to even think of what I owe the VA for. I have some college under my belt, thanks to the VA. But what I am really grateful for is the VA saved my life in helping me to battle cancer and two heart attacks. I am alive today because of my VA benefits. 

Have I earned them? I'm still undecided on that personally. There are far more veterans that have given much more than what I have, actually sacrificed for. I was coming into the military while it was ending its role in Viet Nam and soldiers were coming home. Sadly, they came home to shit! Battle torn, their minds bent, their hearts broken, and their spirit attacked, and most, permanently disabled in some way.

Those are the soldiers that deserve to be called heroes. Those are the soldiers that deserve our respect, for always, for every deployment, for any war. I was lucky. I didn't suffer the damages of war like most. But I did benefit. Whether my heart and mind can come to conclusion and have an answer of if I earned what I received or not, well, I still can't tell you. It may not. In the meantime, I give all due respect to all those who have served and that are serving. May you all walk in peace after it's all said and done.