Most of us find ourselves living without someone at one time or another in our lives. Sometimes it’s only temporary but most often it’s a permanent thing. As a parent I understand more of what my Mom was all about but I know I can never understand her perspective from being a mother. Mothers are so different from fathers. It must be a gender thing. So I can safely say that fathers just do stupid shit. That doesn’t necessarily make them stupid. They just have a momentary lapse in good judgment. Ok, you got me….fathers can be stupid at times.

My Mom has been gone a little over four years now. I learned a lot from her but I wonder why she did certain things when it came to us kids. A large family can present certain challenges. About the only thing small and large families have in common is that each child is different from the other. They all have their own identity. That alone presents a greater challenge the larger the family is. The mother and father both have equal access (when there is a literal family unit anyway) to learn who their children really are and if the fathers were to be truly honest with themselves, they would more than likely admit that the mother is usually more accurate and definitely more detailed in knowing her own children. Again, it’s a gender thing.

My siblings and I were given (or we took) a lot of freedom in our childhood. But given (or taking) this loose leash didn’t mean we were immune from the consequences of our actions. We paid dearly for our transgressions. But I often wondered why this was. Was she so overwhelmed by the number of children she had tugging at her apron strings that she just let things be in order to make her motherhood a little easier? I know that sounds like I’m not giving my Mom much credit but trust me. Nothing could be farther from the truth. My Mom had a great deal of faith in God as well as in herself. But being the Goddess she was, she still couldn’t be everywhere at once doing everything for everybody so she depended a lot on God above to teach us kids certain things. I understand that.

Did her motherly ways pave the way for letting go easier? Maybe a little, I guess. Watching your child go through the front door out into the world to be on their own is scary. Maybe she was wise more than I have ever given her credit for. But letting go is a two way street. We kids have to let go of our parents. Both are easier said than done. And sooner or later, the time will come when that permanent arrangement of separation will come. That’s when we are tested as parents as well as children. How well did we teach? How well did we learn? If we are lucky and blessed we have taught and learned equally. Learning to live without you has been as easy as I have allowed it to be. You have done well, Mom, as great as the challenges were. You never quit. I love you for that!