'What Do You Want From Me?"

My mind is filled with confusion. My heart is heavy. I'm not sure which is going around in circles, me or my world. Limbo is a bitch! There are so many things I desire and I am frustrated in not knowing what or if I will receive any of them. I want independence. I want love. I want peace of mind. I want clarity. Are these things too much to ask for? Everyone of these things are intangible. I'm not that materialistic. My turning fifty was supposed to be a turning point in my life, although it was a milestone. I was the first of the males in my family to reach fifty out of six of us. Well, my twin and I were. The three who are now gone never reached that golden age. Ever since then, I have lost everything that means the most to me several times over and I have been starting from scratch again and again and again. Dear God...What do you want from me?