There are many sides to my life, similar to an iron framed globe that has yet to have the final touches painted onto the surface. Much like the planet in which we live, I have deep trenches in the depths of my own oceans that have never revealed their secrets and probably never will. It will take a very special heart to reach those depths and I have yet to meet such a heart, at least one that really wants to know them. Only God the creator knows my deepest and darkest secrets and I have trusted Him with them for all of my life. He has yet to fail me. It's not that I don't want them revealed. I do, intensely. It's just that when I do allow someone to go a little deeper, they become afraid and return to the surface, never to return. Like a woman, it's takes a lot for me to give my whole heart. I have to trust you. I have to believe in you. I have to know deep inside you will not betray me. I also need to be sure I will not betray you.
Sometimes I feel my life has had no meaning or purpose to anyone but I know that isn't true. I am my own worst critic and I can be very hard on myself. I am like a turtle in a terrapin's shell. When threatened, I close all of my doors and windows, leaving myself curled into a ball in the corner of my darkened secret world. Only when the dangers pass do I open up and allow the light to flood my soul.
I want to allow someone to explore those deepest trenches of my oceans of thoughts, dreams and fears. This person will have to own a courage equal to my own, the courage to want to see the unexplained, to accept that what they learn is what it is, and that they can appreciate it all without any doubt of its validity. Are you that type of person? Are you not afraid to travel into the greatest depths and learn what you may have never known? Chances are, you will find many similarities.
We all want that don't we? To reveal all that we are... to be understood and cared for no matter what... whatever we have or have not done... whatever we expose in context and not judged... we, every one of us.. has a story, pains, misdeeds, incredible kindness... and that all of those things.. sooo many competing behaviors... so may contrary emotions.... make up who we are... I know that person exists that will want you to rip apart the scars and allow you to reveal your true self... and have the compassion, love and understanding to stand firm next to you.
ReplyDeleteI'm beginning to think... we all need to experience a lot of hurt... allow ourselves to have been bad or wrong.... KNOW and accept that perhaps we were not correct... in order to truly appreciate another persons... bits and pieces... :)