"How Do I Know?"

How do I know what’s in your heart? I can’t really, unless you tell me. It would be wrong and a mistake to assume on my own and I take what you say with a grain of salt. I open my own heart, as a book, allowing you to glance through the pages until you find something that catches your interest. Does it help you? I hope so or my endeavors are fruitless and a waste of time. My honesty isn’t free. It comes with a cost to me. It can be accepted or rejected. The rejection is the cost. I have to study long and hard when it comes to sorting the many thoughts I have within my mind and hopefully separate them from or consolidate them with my heart. The two are always in constant battle for dominance.

My heart is heavy, not able to navigate the heavy fog of confusion that often plagues me. Like a blind man, I find myself reaching out with my hands, feeling my way through this unfamiliar world in which I have found myself being. My steps are calculated, not wanting to stumble and fall, and afraid there is no ground to fall onto. What I truly wish for in these times is to touch your heart, to feel it beating within my finger tips. That would give me the comfort I desire, the peace I crave.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so transparent. I wonder about that sometimes. I often hesitate in my writing. I wonder about your thoughts as you read. Do you really appreciate what I have to say? Does my heart touch yours in the way I hope that it does? Do you laugh at me? Do you think that I am a few bricks shy of a full load? Regardless…I must do what I do. I must write down what’s in my heart. Otherwise, I feel that if it isn’t shared, it is useless to me, ultimately, and the life God has given me has been a total waste of His time and my energy.