"Love Can Be A Bitch"

My mind is a quagmire of bullshit and priceless thoughts today. Knowing what my heart wants and desires is a far cry from what my mind tells me I can’t have. So, I feel the need to set aside the bullshit thoughts and focus on the priceless ones. Doing that, all I can think about is being by your side, holding your hand in mine, and looking into your beautiful eyes in hopes you can see the endless love I have for you in mine.

The eyes reveal more than we desire sometimes. So many times I have looked into the eyes of people and I see a totally different story than the rest of their body language reveals. On the outside, I can see joy and smiles, but the eyes tell a different story. The eyes tell of a deep pain, of loss, and even loneliness. It’s heartbreaking to see. The eyes of a child are filled with wonder of it all…their world and how to deal with every moment they live. Their honesty is worth savoring and learning to keep as your own, which brings me to the point I hope to make.

Love is hard. Love is painful. Love can tear you apart into a million pieces leaving little hope of being whole again. It can drive you insane. It can make you do things you never dreamt you would ever do. Love is also the most beautiful of emotions because it has the power to bring out your best as well as your worst. Yes, love can be a bitch, but is it worth it?

Sometimes I wish I didn’t fall so easily in love. Yes, I admit it. It’s true. I’m not sure why that is. It just is. Maybe, it’s because I have been alone so long? Maybe, it’s because I’m not as monogamous as I had hoped I should be? Maybe, I’m just your typical male? Maybe, it’s just you? I surely don’t know. I have been plagued with this for most of my life. I sometimes feel I have done wrong when I do fall in love with someone.

I say that like I do it on a daily basis but I really don’t. In fact, I have only been in love so few times that I can count them on one hand. Yeah, I know, it’s hard to believe. But I have to tell you that when I do fall in love with someone, it’s all or nothing. I don’t play! I fall really hard and deep. It’s a curse I tell ya…I’m cursed!

I want to love you with everything I have. It’s the only way I know how. But, I know deep inside there is always the chance your love for me cannot be returned in like measure. It’s just the way we are. You can’t dictate what your heart feels no more than I can mine. Yes, love is a bitch, but it’s the most beautiful bitch you will ever come to know.

Your pain will be magnified a thousand fold, as well as your joy. The taste is sweet as honey on your tongue and as bitter as vinegar and all at the same time, at times. Love will turn you into a king or queen, but it can also turn you into a monster that devours every ounce of life within your heart as well as your heart.