"A Little Out of Character?"

I haven’t quit decided just yet as to my being out of character or not. I am fifty-five years old. I am currently unemployed. I have what remains of my last paycheck in my pocket and that’s going for the rent tomorrow. I am now stoned to the bone in spite of all this distorted animosity from life in general. Now, tell me if you can, can one make anything positive from this oxymoron of events?


Right now, I could give a rat’s ass, ya know? Don’t get me wrong, ok? I do realize that my actions do come back and bite me on the ass. This music I am listening to is kick-ass; Switchfoot-“Meant to Live”. The only thing I wish for myself is for everyone to allow me to think things through in my own way. I’m intelligent. I’m not always smart but I can do this. Ah! Staind and “It’s Been a While”. Ok, sorry, I got off track.

A very wise man once told me that, “Character is doing the right thing even when no one is watching.” Whether he was true to definition or not, he made a lasting impression. It’s so very true that you may forget the particulars of certain folks, but you never forget how they made you feel, learn, and grow. I couldn’t tell you one thing about who this man was or looked like but I never forgot what he said.

I and God alone should be the judge of my character, not anyone else, just as I treat you the same, respectfully. It just makes good sense. I get through my trials and tribulations by only the grace of God, nothing else. My heart is pure in spite of my actions. Is that a little vain for you, a little bit arrogant? I hate to disappoint you but there isn’t one human being on God’s green earth that isn’t vain or arrogant. It doesn’t mean that it’s bad. It’s just the way we are. And I wouldn’t be anyone else besides me. Indifferent as it may seem, I love who I am. I just don’t like some of the things I do.

Being a little out of character is just that. It’s a temporary change of a time and you can’t rewind it. Not all of our trials are self imposed. We are not always victims of our own doing. They just happen. Regardless of the reason why, I know without a doubt, I will get through it all. When is a different story, but it is also not relevant. The character you grew up with is the same one you grow old with.