"My First Heartbreak"

After speaking with a very special friend yesterday, her story she had to tell reminded me of my first heartbreak. I was seventeen when I had my first kiss with my first girlfriend. I remember her like it was yesterday; her pretty face, her bracefilled smile. This kiss came out of the blue. My head was spinning for hours and hours after that, leaving me wanting more. I remember laying in bed that night, thinking about that kiss. We started “going steady” the next day. I was on cloud nine, feeling like I had finally joined the human race.

As first loves go, I remember the day our “going steady” ended. If I remember right, I probably made her nervous. I was wanting more than she was willing to give. At the time, me being so young, it was difficult to understand her views. Hell, I wasn’t even sure of my own. All I knew is that I was a raging hormone that needed to make landfall. She broke up with me after about four months.

My heart was truly broken. I felt so lost and even betrayed, not by her, neccesarily, but by love itself. It was supposed to last forever. I moped around the house for days and days, asking myself why and never getting a real answer. I would go to the recreation center of the air base where I was living and listen to music in their listening boothes, crying my eyes out to “These Eyes” by The Guess Who. That was my heartbreak song.

I learned a great deal that fateful year. I learned that love doesn’t always last and that the reasons could be as simple as ”I just don’t think I like you anymore!” But I also learned that love does come around more than once and the lessons we learn can be put to good use each time it does. Another breakup song was “The First Cut Is The Deepest” I think I listened to that one once the pain retreated and anger set in. But, again, I learned. Breaking up is hard to do. It can cause pain and break hearts. But like a wound, it heals in time.

I have heard lately that insanity is the process of doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, and that makes a little sense. I still enjoy and live by “Do what you have always done and get what you always got!” Some are blessed enough to have love for a lifetime. Some aren’t. For those that aren’t, all I can say is, that for me, love is more tolerable than I ever realized. It requires the patience of Job. But I think more than anything, it requires me to give more of myself than I receive, including respect for a significant other’s views and being honest about them. If you believe in something so strongly, never let it go, because a reason is there for that conviction. Be also mindful of what others may feel strongly about. And if there doesn’t seem to be a working solution for a coexistence, then end the relationship before it ever gets started. Never leave the door open to emotions that can kill the spirit.

Growing up is hard to do, even harder than breaking up. Being blinded by love can lead to heartache. And you can talk to the young until you are blue in the face, sometimes, and never really make any progress. They think like they are supposed to. We adults shouldn’t expect miracles to happen and expect the young to actually practice what we teach. But we do have a guarantee that what we share with them will remain somewhere in the back of their minds and they will bring it forward to use at an appropriate time.

Love can last forever. When it doesn’t, it hurts like hell! But the heart heals, sometimes leaving scars, sometimes not. Approach love with complete abandon as well as with complete caution. Sounds hard, doesn’t it? It can be. However quickly your heart heals or doesn’t, never give up on love. We need that in our lives. Love is what keeps us humane as well as human. It’s a gift. Cherish it. Nurture it. Respect it. Above all….Look forward to it! Love doesn't break the heart. A person does and a person can also help put the pieces back together.