"A Hot Ass Mess"

Have you ever heard those words before; hot ass mess? I have heard it only a few times but what is interesting is that the context in which it was used varied somewhat. I’m sure you can imagine the context you would use these words in. I can take those words and go from a-z in as little as nothing flat; complete opposites; in describing my adult life. Sometimes my life is in total shambles and nothing is going right and it goes as deep as my heart. Allow me to rephrase that last part…and it all comes from my heart. At other times, my life couldn’t be better, running like a well oiled machine and my heart is in tune with what really matters. I feel happy and good and I love my life…and it all comes from my heart.

In my present state, I guess I could place myself about a quarter ways from the bottom end of that curve and I am working my way upwards. It really doesn’t matter how many times you get knocked on your ass. What matters is how many times you keep getting up. Yeah, I know it is cliché’ but true nonetheless. As I write this, I am very consciously thinking of many things I could do or change that would only help me in my upward climb. Nothing speaks to you like your heart does, if you have a listen and I am speaking for myself and no one else. I do say that I am somewhat of a hot ass mess.

To not get back up is not in my mind, my vocabulary, or my heart. I simply can’t give it up. This thing called life is happening and I have no desire to just sit and waste away. I won’t say that I have never been opposite and I really didn’t give a shit whether life went on or not. I wanted rest for my spirit and my soul. I was exhausted. I could take a good look in the mirror and I could see my heart and my state of mind; a hot ass mess from one end to the other, and knowing what I really needed to do to get things done; to turn things around. That voice, your own voice, talks to you and lets you know what’s wrong and what you can do to fix it. That voice also tells you when things are so right. How cool is that?