"This Song In My Heart"

I woke up this am and the second thought or thing that came into my mind was a song. I can’t even remember what my first thought was so it wasn’t as near as important as this song and I have been awake now for almost forty minutes and it’s still there. I was raised as a child in the Christian faith. My Mom, being a single parent, would wake us younger kids up every Sunday morning and take us to church. I say single parent because it does have relevance here. God was all she knew that she could depend on in helping to take care of the ten children she had at that time. It has been the same for me a great many times in my own life, as well.

This is something I really don’t talk about much, my spirituality, but I do try to live my life as a good Christian. I remember accepting Jesus Christ as a child. I think I was about nine years old but I remember it like it was yesterday. Yeah, I know and understand that nine years old is a little young and understanding what one does at that age, especially giving your heart to God, can be misunderstood. Looking back, it is only a childlike faith, which is something I haven’t had in a long while now.

With all that is going on in my life, I have really needed something to hold on to. My faith has been challenged to the core and it has wavered somewhat, so when I was given this song this morning, I was taken back a bit and I wondered, “God, could this be You giving me some hope?” Well, of course it is! “It is no secret what God can do. What He’s done for others, He can do for you.” That is the song, the lyrics that is running through my mind and, hopefully, enveloping my heart.

I once had a conversation with a pastor I had met while living in the Dallas area. He and I had met on occasion to chat about what was going on in my heart and my mind. He just seemed like someone I could actually trust and put everything out there on the table without ‘preaching’ to me, and he was that type of a pastor, a friend he was indeed. The last time we talked, I had told him of my issues of organized religion and of how I didn’t depend on God for the things I could do for myself. I have a mind that is mostly clear and a body that is pretty healthy for my age and I could do most anything I set my mind to do and I have always believed that this was a gift from God, so I used it to the best of my ability. I guess what I mean by all this is I very rarely asked God for something I already had. He suggested I begin to depend on God for even the littlest of things, mainly to not allow myself to forget where my gift had come from and to let God know that He is still being acknowledged for all I have been given.

Did I take it to heart what this wonderful man had told me? Not really. I let my pride take first place because I just couldn’t bring myself to think that I couldn’t do anything without God’s help. I usually waited until I would be confronted with something that was much bigger than I or something I had no control over.

Even through all this time that has gone by and through my denying God His credits, He is still with me. I am so thankful for this and I believe with all my heart that God knows this. With a tear in my eye I humbly recognize where my strength lies and that I can’t do it all without God’s help. For the moment, He is all I have.