"The Most Difficult Thing"

Here lately, I have had the most difficult time dealing with issues of family and how that relationship should be. You would think that family members are the ones you could depend on in times of difficulty and hardship and for the most part, that’s true. But they can also be the ones you can’t depend on. It can be like “I scratch your back, you stab mine”.

It’s not the first time this has happened to me, though. Several times I have been screwed in some way by a family member and it’s a very painful thing and you are left thinking, WTF? I wish I knew the answers as to why this sort of thing happens but I don’t. My guess is that they will automatically assume that they will be forgiven for their transgressions against you, or they really don’t give a shit about you. It’s a selfish and arrogant thing either way you look at it. The truth is, you normally forgive them in time and move on. But that still doesn’t make it easier to experience or accept.

I love my family with all of my heart no matter what. I can’t live my life dwelling on what they may say or do to me that hurts. All I know to do is to forgive and in time, forget. Maybe I am naïve in thinking that they will learn from what has been done and not do it again. I know I couldn’t and never have been able to live with myself knowing I have done something towards or used a family member in any way. If I borrow, I give or pay it back and I am honest in letting one know exactly when they can expect pay back. It’s a matter of treating others the way you wish to be treated. You may not always be treated likewise but it’s good for the spirit knowing you have done it yourself and that’s what really matters.